Stuffing Pockets or Sharing Books?

I am an open book, a not too flashy, a little worn with some scratches and a few ripped pages book. I don't go throwing myself and vomiting my story at people, well not anymore anyway. I use to run from person to person and throw and stuff all of my stories into their pockets and then I'd become everything they needed me to be just so they could do me the favor of listening. Some would listen politely but none of them ever fully. No one would ever fully grasp and listen. How dare they!? Didn't they hear everything I had been through? Don't you see how strong and special I am?? I constantly stuffed peoples pockets with my stories in hopes someone would stop and SEE me and validate me. I am here! I am here! I would scream. It was just like in Horton Hears a Who when all the people of Whoville scream out WE ARE HERE! WE ARE HERE! I wanted to be noticed because I felt I was often overlooked. I felt small. I had no self worth so I always looked to others to give it to me. I wanted people to love me because I lacked that love for myself and for life itself.

I kept stuffing peoples pockets and you know what would happen? My stories would end up in the lint bin or at the bottom of the trashcan with the receipts. All figuratively of course. They would leave me out in the rain like a penny in a parking lot. I knew I was meant to be something, to do great things but I desperately searched for validation and permission for someone to wave their flag and tell me to GO. I had an unhealthy view of myself and unhealthy expectations of how I wanted others to fill in all my empty spaces. I'd grab a hold of someone and hold on for dear life. I needed people to save me, which they couldn't do or anyone could ever do for that matter. I saw that everyone else had the power. They had the life vest that could save my life if only they could just take it off because they seemed fine and just toss it to me. Why couldn't someone just toss me their life vest? Selfish bastards. All of them.

I eventually learned that stuffing peoples pockets with my stories wasn't the best way to save myself or to get validation. I learned that I would sink other people with me and tire them out. I learned that everyone else is fighting to stay afloat and feel special just like me. I learned that it wasn't all about me and it was never meant to be. I learned that my stories were better off left read by people who wanted to read them or by people who greatly needed to read a story other than their own.
I "rebelled" and said if no one else will do it for me. If no one else will toss me their life vest or read the stories I stuffed in their pockets then I'll do it. I'll read my own stories and be my own life guard. I will learn how to swim and float and back stroke. I will stuff all my stories into a book and I'll read it and love it and learn everything I can from myself and everyone else. I learned to only give my book to the people who ask. I've learned that sharing your story is just as important as listening to someone elses. Other people need validation just as much as we do, so listen and listen good.

One of the most important things I've recently learned is, I've been called to LISTEN. To listen to stories that people try to stuff into other peoples pockets like I did or to read their books. To listen to them. To sit with them. To share my ever growing story. To learn from them. To learn with them. I've learned to stop stuffing my stories into pockets in order to get validation or permission because

I AM HERE. 

I AM LOVED. 

I AM WORTHWHILE.
I validate myself because I have learned that my feelings are valid just for the reason that I feel them.

I see and feel that now. Some days more than others but just like everything else I do, its a practice. Some days I fail and some days I'm great and other days I don't even know but I do try again. Always.

Have you ever stuffed pockets?