Empath not stupid

               

             One of the things I struggle with the most is allowing myself to feel my feelings. I usually tend to look at the person/s involved in whatever situation and kind of dilute my feelings out as to ignore them. Watching other peoples videos on things they are learning in therapy because you know therapy is much expensive I have learned that difficulty setting boundaries can be due to trauma as well as being an empath. Last night as I lay in my bed with a raging headache and my stomach upside down I kept repeating to myself that just because I understand the other persons reasons for their actions it actually does not excuse them. Then as I continued to repeat that to myself and wrestle with not diluting my feelings I realized something. That particular affirmation was not reaching me as profoundly as I would like it to because I would go back to the thought "Well, duh I know it doesn't excuse their actions. I know understanding their reasoning behind  it doesn't make it okay!" I just kept going in circles and thinking about how I am empath but I am not stupid. I can put myself in their shoes and not ignore my morals at the same time. Then, then it slid into my brain. Their experience doesn't invalidate yours. There is no hierarchy with our feelings. Their experience and my understanding of their perspective does NOT invalidate my own. My experience matters just as much if not more. I heard something else recently too thats been rattling in my brain that if you had a choice of disappointing another person or disappointing yourself the duty should always be to disappointing the other person. In the book The Gifts of Imperfection by Brene Brown she writes, "When we consistently betray ourselves, we can expect to do the same to the people we love." How am I supposed to honor other peoples experiences if I can't even begin to hold space to honor my own? It has to start with me. 

                I also have to repeat to myself that setting boundaries, saying no, not feeling like I owe explanations does NOT mean I care about the other person/s any less. Rather how I am loving myself enough. Its setting a precedent of how to love me and what cannot be compromised. I am not asking for too much when I ask for respect because that is just the bare minimum.

              Their experience doesn't invalidate yours. 

That for some reason is a little more helpful for me. Gonna keep trying. Hope you do too.

'Til next time.