If you have netflix I suggest you go watch "The Breadwinner" it is an amazing, really well choreographed story. Which is, by the way, where my title came from. The main character is a young girl whose father is imprisoned without charge and so she pretends to be a boy in order to work and get money to feed her family. Its a story that I believe everyone should see. This is a narrative that is ever rarely if at all given a chance to be seen and showcased on such a platform. Anyway, it inspired me to come on here and write. SO here I am.
I have had quite a week where my work situatiin isnt getting any better. The coworker that has been making work life unbearable seems to be unable to work in a profesional manner. Just on Friday as I was sitting in the employees lounge eating after my shift she came and began to complain very loudly to me. After letting her kniw that because she was beijg unreceptive that I was not and would not participate in a conversation with her but still she went on, I was so close to cussing her out and any minute more I would have gotten out of my chair and slapped her. But because surprisingly I know how be professional and act like an adult, I didnt. I didnt want to incriminate myself with such a reaction that she could use later on against me in her will to tear me down. With three tacos in my belly I stormed out of there.
As I thought about what happened through the rest of the day I realized I felt like screaming "I quit" because of the lack of consequences that my intolerable coworker recieves. I although for one didnt want to give her the satisfaction, again, because by the way a coworker has already quit before due to a similiar situation and second my family and I cannot afford for me to quit. I can barely afford life now and I get paid!
Also, my car needs more work done and although it takes all my time and money, did I mention money? I have to do it. This car is our entire life. Without it our lives would go from kinda shitty and tough to what else is there besides shitty and shitty again? So I am doing it little by little. Getting car parts one at a time and having to wait until I have a pair or so to begin repairs. Things take time, I know, I just hope that my car can hold it together inbetween times.
I also finally went and got us some gym memberships. We came to the point where we were running on 2 weeks without a shower and I had run out of friends to ask. Friends who were readily willing and available. Its going to become an extra big expense but I feel like we've gotten some of ourselves back with it. The feeling of not being in control of your hygeine is a heavy and tasking weight for a person. The feeling of not being able to enjoy the shower for fear of taking too long or making too much noise takes from a person.
Take. Take. Take.
Seems like all everything knows how to do is take and you have to constantly rearrange the pieces to keep from crumbling over.
I think thats where exhaustion is. In the rearranging of ourselves. As creatures of habit the unavoidable everchanging rhythm of life keep us on our spirtual toes. Right when we think we got it handled and coherent something goes awrye. But I also think thats where our power is made. We become imaginative and resourceful. Resilient.
We get taken from and so we find a new way to recieve.
Before I start to overthink everything here I want to say that I think everytime I feel like crumbling, I do, but then I re-adjust. re-arrange and without even realizing it I get on my way again.
I think people are graceful in that way, in all of our clumsy dances to find out we can in all the moments we thought we couldn't.
Song of the week:
Sweet Creature - Harry Styles
Until next time
-Analaura
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